m o o d g a r d e n

Just your average 48 year old tattooed woman

I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes on Friday, August 21 2009. I cannot say it came as a complete surprise, as I had been feeling like lukewarm hell for about a year now. Who finally diagnosed it? No, not the physician’s assistant that took over after my (second in two years) primary care physician moved out of state, but the lovely lady who saw me one night at the after hours clinic. She of the diagnosis of Labyrinthitis to explain the dizzyness several weeks after a grand bout of the flu. (insert David Bowie reference here) (more…)

Tomorrow is a special little day for me.  My own quiet, private, flamtastic day.  It is the day for celebrating my 48th summer on the planet.  I feel so much ‘meh’ about the whole damned thing.

The only thing I seem to want for my birthday is for everyone around me to leave me the hell alone and stop needing me so damn much for every little agonizing thing.  Yeah, go and try to get THAT written in frosting on a cake. (more…)

You showed me the value of keeping Superman in my heart.  You always put too much powdered creamer into my coffee, just because you love to watch it melt.  When my windshield wiper blade snapped on one rainy day to work, you spent an hour scouring the internet trying to figure out why it broke and how to fix it.   On the rare occasions that I cook, you always do a little gleeful we’re-about-to-eat dance while in your underwear. (more…)

I want to be awestruck for the holidays. I want to be moved to emote. I want to feel a part of something larger than life itself.

Lately all I have been able to feel is the careless desperation of cheaply painted christmas bulbs, the decrepid humiliation of last year’s leftover wrapping paper and an empty cold wind where my giddiness used to be.

I need to have a new tradition. I want to feel inspired