m o o d g a r d e n

Just your average 48 year old tattooed woman

Tomorrow is a special little day for me.  My own quiet, private, flamtastic day.  It is the day for celebrating my 48th summer on the planet.  I feel so much ‘meh’ about the whole damned thing.

The only thing I seem to want for my birthday is for everyone around me to leave me the hell alone and stop needing me so damn much for every little agonizing thing.  Yeah, go and try to get THAT written in frosting on a cake.

Okay, so maybe I have issues.

Where is the joy, the bliss?  Why does it feel sometimes as though I am either waiting for my life to catch up with me, or trying to find it in a cosmic drawer filled with mismatched cosmic socks?

I must have things in my life that make me happy.  Perhaps I forgot about them while I was waiting for the water to boil.   I must tease them out from the corners of my mind, like dustbunnies to a vacuum.  Since I will be 48, I figure that I need to have 24 things that are unique to my own particular peculiarity.  And here they are in no real order:

1. I have a job despite this hideously unstable economy.
2. I have a zippy little blue car that is paid for.  AND has no tint on the front driver and passenger doors now.  This is me, smiling about that fact.  Yes, I know it looks more like an angry grimace.
3. So,  I have a house.  Well–me, the boy, the cats and the bank have a house.
4. I have a decent education.
5. I have The Boy, my favorite husband thusfar.
6. I am filled with a quiet sense of inner peace for approximately three minutes per week.
7. I experience neither longing nor regret about any decisions I either made or ignored.
8. I have long since forgiven my parents for any wrongdoing or ignorance in their raising of me.
9. My health is good. Even considering that my thyroid has gone missing and left no note.
10. I am lucky to be married to a man who can make me laugh.
11. I have friends that I love.
12. I have cats.  Some of them even acknowledge my existence.
13. My best friend is also my husband.
14. I am convinced that the best food on the planet is soft, yummy white cake with white frosting.
15. Taco Bell is god.
16. I remember my dreams when I wake up.
17. One thing that is always guaranteed to make me grin like an idiot is being surrounded by my collection of depression-era glassware.
18. There is nothing in the world more fun than a room filled with skulls.  And that describes my bedroom.
19. I want to marry Stephen King.  I figure I could repay him for all of the joy he has given me over the years by halfheartedly ironing his shirts and making him pork chops once a week.
20. There is no better sound to fall asleep to than the sound of a cat contentedly purring in your ear.
21. Springtime.
22. Halloween!
23. Having an evening with nothing to do but light candles and blog.  The tippity-tap is comforting.
24. Being loved.  That is a big one, right there.

What will tomorrow bring?  Who knows.

That is part of the fun of living.

Tags: Solo Dialogue

This entry was posted on Monday, June 8th, 2009 at 10:19 pm and is filed under A Weird Day, Solo Dialogue. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.